These past two years have been more than unprecedented. They have picked us up and swallowed us whole into the darkness of the unknown. I don’t do well with uncertainty. I like order, calculated decisions weighing out the pros and cons of choices available. I thrive on problem solving and endless discussion of the evidence presenting itself after years of research. I despise pandemics.
This time has challenged me to my core. As I am being presented with up and down periods of hypomania and depression, a nagging feeling has crept over me. Like that roommate that doesn’t read the room and stop talking, this feeling has parked itself deep in my gut and it sitting there. A slightly unpleasant, anxiety verging on excitement, about things to come.
I am very familiar with the old friend anxiety, which gives me that same gut clenching feeling of wanting to move away from, or escape the feeling. But rather surprisingly, this gut whisper is more of excitement. More of a feeling of wanting to move-towards, even.
When we think about change, about uncertainty and unknowns, I have read two helpful books that I will quote here in the hopes they bring some perspective to whatever challenge you are next facing.
It is Eckart Tolle who says “the primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation, but your thoughts about it. Be aware the thoughts you are thinking.” (1) It is time to let go of the story we tell ourselves and be open to real change, real unknowns. We must return to the only place that really make sense, and that is the present moment.
When you feel a change coming in your life, whether it be within a pandemic, with your job, your relationship, ask yourself, “What is my relationship with the present moment?” (1) Are you too attached to one idea? Are you coming at the change with non judgement? Are you resisting change? (1) Ekhart Tolle also says “…enjoy the pleasures of the wold while they last without fear of loss of anxiety of the future.” (1)
How do we bring about changes when our mind is saddled with unknowns and the anxiety of future based thinking patterns?
Step One: Breathe into it. Focus on the breath. Create space between you and your thoughts (1). Reality check your expectations (2).
Step Two: Reach out to your community and ask for help. You are not alone. Find out and do your research to get the best available knowledge about the problem or choice being presented.
Step Three: Avoid perfectionism. The perfectionist tries to avoid mistakes and failures and treats those as personal defects (2). We can all see how well that can turn out. Rather look how you can improve upon the information you have available. Brene Brown goes onto say there is no way to control perception, regardless of how much time and energy we spend trying (2). People will think what they want.
Step Four: Create the mindset. Decisions of change are yours alone, with external factors generating hesitation. Focus on your interest, motivation, energy and what gives you relief. Are you continuing to evolve? Realize that the natural way of the universe is to evolve and expand. Allow yourself the patience for change to occur slowly, as it doesn’t have to be all or nothing or all at once.
Step Five: Weighing the risks. When faced with unknowns or new choices, there are potentials for these changes to effect our life. We can divide these potential effects into low risk effects, moderate risk effects, and high risk effects, and discuss with our loved ones accordingly.
I hope these steps will be helpful for you when faced with your next challenge or choice. As I sit with this feeling of coming change, I am hopeful that by doing the work, I can navigate these feelings with self-compassion, bravery and kindness, and I wish that for you all as well.
All the best,
Lorraine
References:
(1) Tolle, E. (2005). A new earth: Awakening to your life’s purpose. New York, N.Y: Dutton/Penguin Group.
(2) Brown, Brene (2021). Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience, Random House.
Dr. Lorraine Sharp 